Ten Ways to Avoid Unintentionally Being the Entertainment at the Workplace Christmas Party
The Wall Street Journal published an article in their sports page this week entitled “The 23 Rules of the Office Party”. I was interested because I have always been an observer of what I’ll call “the office party meltdown”.
This is when a usually quiet,… normal co-worker has five too many drinks during the open bar portion of the evening and suddenly turns in to Frankendrunk. We are talking about having a complete meltdown in front of your entire company hierarchy.
If you have never witnessed such a meltdown, it may well be because you were the one having the meltdown. Let me strongly suggest that you don’t become the one the rest of your workforce will NEVER stop talking about, because that it is exactly what will happen.
Anyway, Jason Gay’s article in the Wall Street Journal touches on this topic and others encountered at your work Christmas party. I have chosen my ten favorites, which I’m calling the Ten Ways to Avoid Unintentionally Being the Entertainment at the Workplace Christmas party. To see Jason’s entire list, click to his article. Feel free to tell me your favorite work Christmas party story in the comment section. below. Have a happy and non-embarrassing holiday!
You may ask yourself: What’s a story about the company holiday party doing in the sports section? Excellent question! It is hard to compare the annual workplace December celebration with, say, the Olympics, unless the Olympics have a competition for eating too much cheese and sugar cookies while listening to Mariah Carey.
We’re about to dive straight into the office holiday party season. Here’s how to survive an epic night of company cheer:
1. There are two types of company holiday parties. There are company holiday parties in which employees bring their spouses or significant others and perhaps their adorable little kids, and then there are the company holiday parties in which employees typically go alone. Friends and family parties end promptly at 9 p.m. and everyone gets home safely. Employees-only company parties usually last 36 hours and result in at least six people being reported as missing.
2. It’s OK to be the first person at the company holiday party. Just don’t be the last person at the company holiday party.
3. The company holiday party is not the moment to try Jagermeister or walking on your hands for the first time.
4. If your company’s holiday party is taking place in a swanky penthouse with piles of lobster, expensive champagne, trapeze artists and Coldplay performing live on stage, immediately run back to the office and clear out your desk, because your company is declaring bankruptcy tomorrow.
5. If you see the company CEO at the holiday party, walk right up and give the boss a 90-minute, detailed lecture on all of the things you would do differently if you were the boss. Highly encouraged! All CEOs love a good unsolicited 90-minute lecture.
6. Yup: It really is called a Pig in a Blanket and don’t think too hard about it or it will completely weird you out.
7. Dancing at the office holiday party is a bold move—though not as bold as dancing by yourself at the office holiday party.
8. If your company holiday party is a karaoke party, do yourself a favor. Get a co-worker, spend $2,000 on a vocal coach, take six weeks of lessons and master Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton’s “Islands in the Stream.” It will be a smash hit, you will both become office legends and will probably get promoted the next day.
9. If you’re showing co-workers videos of your cat on your iPhone, it’s time to hail a cab home. If you think you’re showing co-workers videos of your cat on your iPhone, and it turns out they aren’t your co-workers, and you’ve accidentally gone to another company’s company holiday party, it is definitely time to hail a cab home.
10. There’s always someone who tells you all week they’re going to “take it easy and drink only water” at this year’s holiday party. At 9:15 p.m., you will look over, and this person will be passed out atop a giant pile of winter coats.