The Ten Commandments of New Jersey’s Favorite Food, Pork Roll
Is there a finer meat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or midnight snack than Pork Roll? If you answered yes, please turn in your Jersey card. There are rules when it comes to Jersey’s favorite, here are the ten commandments of pork roll.
Thou shall not call it Taylor Ham.
Do not make me come through this computer screen. Do you want to be like Steve Harvey? Only the fools from North Jersey say this and we don’t want to be them.
Thou shall serve upon a hard roll.
You may have some leeway with this rule. A bagel, I guess, could suffice as a mode of transportation from plate to mouth. Don’t even think of putting this delicious meat between two slices of rye bread or on one of those croissants.
Thou shall enjoy with American cheese.
Back away from the Swiss cheese. Drop that fontina in the garbage right this instant. There is only one cheese that hold up to the high standards set forth by pork roll.
Thou shall place four cuts in the pork roll.
Don’t worry it won’t feel a thing. No one wants a bubbled up piece of pork roll. Please don’t cut it only once, we don’t need Pac-Man on your sandwich.
Thou shall only fry.
There is only one proper way to cook pork roll and that is on a pan frying it up. Is there a better smell than pork roll cooking in the morning? If you said yes please reread the intro of this list…
Thou shall only comsume Taylor Pork Roll.
This rule comes from our Cat Country listener Tommy. To be honest, I’ve never noticed other brands. It is probably because I don’t even pay them any mind. Tommy’s motto is, “if it isn’t Taylor, it isn’t pork roll.” I want that on a t-shirt.
Thou shall limit condiment selection.
Please don’t go raiding your spice rack to spice up your pork roll. It is meant to be enjoyed in its natural unaltered state. This is not a Kardashian, no need to nip and tuck. If you want to add a dash of salt and pepper we will be accepting, but please don’t go for the cumin, paprika, or rosemary. As for condiments, if it’s not ketchup it doesn’t belong.
Thou shall not compare to SPAM.
The words well it’s just like SPAM should never leave your lips. It is not like SPAM. Yes, they are both pork, but they are very very different. SPAM comes in a can and is in an unnatural shape.
Thou shall not consume rubbery pork roll.
Well done pork roll is good pork roll. Get it right on the border of burnt then take it off of the pan. You need a crisp to it. No one wants limp pork roll. This is coming from a long list of listeners. I asked your pork roll rules and everyone seems to be on agreement on this. Thank you to Dan, Bob, Michelle, and everyone else who came to an agreement ob this.
Thou shall not share the pork roll.
You know the phrase sharing is caring? Yea, that doesn’t apply here. If someone doesn’t order pork roll and then wants some of yours, tough cookie. Maybe they’ll learn a valuable lesson. This rule also applies to people who leave New Jersey. Leave Jersey lose the pork roll. Don’t start shipping pork roll to people that have abandoned the home of pork roll.